6 min read

Drunk Postin' II: The Legend Of Cuervo's Gold

The end of Pride Month brings a drunken Fab Five.
The time for such blunt concepts as "I'm as serious as cancer when I say that rhythm is a dancer" HAS ENDED

Well, it was a friend's birthday and I had a certain amount. I can't say I didn't see this situation coming, it was on the calendar for a week. I'll do the newsletter in the afternoon, I said! I'll do the newsletter on the Monday evening, I said! I have the whole weekend, I said!

Fool that I was.

I had Real Comics Work (TM) to do at all of those times, so now you get my unfiltered, vodka-and diet-coke-addled thoughts direct from the vaults of Dionysus. Not even addled by the smoky old fashioneds of the discerning drinker! The good cocktail place wasn't open! I can't be blamed!

I gave up sugar, I didn't give up the fermentations. Damn your eyes!  You're getting it raw!


Uh, I mean, what's out this week? Heralds Of Apocalypse, that's what!

The cover for HERALDS OF APOCALYPSE, by Pepe Larraz, showing Apocalypse, Gensis and their four children, Famine, War, Pestilence and Death.
It takes a lot to make a stew, a pinch of salt and laughter too.

The "Heralds of Apocalypse" in this case are the events that herald his arrival in the main X-MEN RED plot, but also his children - Famine, War, Pestilence and Death – and his wife, Genesis, antagonist of the Genesis War that'll be occupying the upcoming issues. Between the last sentence and this one I switched tracks as another of the vodkas entered my system, and now I can tell you that there are swordfights, philosophical discussions, revelations hitherto unknown even to Apocalypse himself – whose very name means "revelation", I'll have you know -- and glimpses of ancient Okkar! Don't miss it, true believer – it puts the "all" in "Fall of X"!


Pride month will end before the next one of these, and I've not exactly marked it. (I'm bi all the time, and it comes out in the newsletter often, but "am I marking Pride enough" is one more part of the whole "am bi I enough" that I share with a lot of my fellow bis, and also a reflection of the more general "am I enough" which is a core facet of my personality. I've talked about this before.)

But to properly mark the month of Pride, and the anniversary of my own coming out, here's a special FAB FIVE that's five songs on my personal "Queer Sounds" playlist that you maybe wouldn't think of as queer songs at first listen. Are they straight? Are they not? Like me, are these songs bi enough? Judge for yourselves!

In order of "okay, I can see it..."


I'd rather you hate me than not understand.

Why is an answer song to "Jolene" on this playlist? Well, because I came across it about the same time as I was composing my public coming-out to the world - because I couldn't stay closeted one second longer - and I listened to it on repeat all that day. Like a couple more of the songs on this list, there's a bi reading there if you force it - am I the only one wondering how exactly the narrator wants to give those nights back to Diane? But, obviously, the repeated "I'd rather you blame me than not understand" was what hooked me in at the time. When I break my three-years-and-counting Karaoke fast, this will be in the running - but it's primarily here because of the very personal meaning it has for me, so if you don't see it, I absolutely understand. But how about... these?


Where's the love that has not forsaken me?

It's the Boss! "He's not the Boss of me", you might be thinking, but aren't we all knocking on the door that holds the throne? Aren't we looking for the map that leads us home? I'm pretty sure what flag Bruce meant when he wrote this - and that Super Dome mention really nails it to a specific time, place and presidency - but in these times when folks are eager to take their scissors to the Pride flag, to divide the L, G and B (and let's face it, not all us Bs are gonna make the cut, in fact I'd  place the final number at a fat goose egg, gang) from everyone else... well, solidarity matters. "Wherever this flag's flown, we take care of our own." That still comes to the back of my mind when I see a Pride flag flying.


That's how easy this should be.

Now we're getting somewhere - it's Betty Who, noted bi performer! With a song that I "discovered" (as in, the algorithm happened to pull it up for the first time) in a New York hotel room... and immediately thought of Hulkling, to the extent that to me, at least, this became the half-Skrull hunk's theme song.

A panel from Empyre #5, showing a naked Hulkling in bed.
Valerio knew what he was doing when he drew those eyes.

Yeah, that guy. Anyway, there is literally nothing else about the song that particularly shouts "queer" or "bi", except to me - and yet for some reason, I've put it after the Boss, who at least mentions a flag. Maybe it's because it grabs me in a different place, a more dancefloor-oriented place? I've definitely attempted to use this one as a dancefloor smash during my DJ days - would it call you to the floor? Don't tell me, I haven't enabled comments on this thing.


There is a place where dreams survive!

This one also reminds me of a favorite Marvel character - I'll let you guess who.

Look, sometimes when your hopes have all been shattered, there's nowhere to turn, and you wonder how you keep going. But if you think of all the things that really matter - and the chances you've earned - you'll find the fire in your heart is growing! All I'm saying here is that you can fly if you try leaving the past behind, and heaven only knows what you might find.

So with all that in mind – I doubt this is what Mr Bush intended, but this is an incredibly coming-out song. Is everybody trying to break your spirit, keeping you down? Does it feel like it's been forever? Well, there's another voice, if you'll just hear it! Looks like it's now or never!

Hey, apropos of nothing, do you feel like stumbling into the light? And fighting for the things you know are right?

All I'm saying here is DARE!!! Dare to believe you can survive! You are the future in your hand! Dare! Dare to keep all your dreams alive! The power is there at your command! Dare! Dare to keep all your LOVE alive! Dare to be ALL THAT YOU CAN BE! There is a place where dreams survive – it's calling you on – TO VICTORY!!!

Anyway, just come and take a stand, 'cause you can win if you dare.

(keyboard riff intensifies)


Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

So this is absolutely the theme song of this guy:

A panel of Hercules in arguably his best outfit, the big metal H and trunks.
Oh, there he is.

I have nothing else to say. The point of this list was to provide songs that arguably could be straight, but we've flown too close to the sun here and there's just no making that argument. Fab Five over, go home.


That wraps it up for this week - I'm increasingly sober as the alcohol leaves my system, but it's too late now and we have at least managed to get another newsletter out, so this is still the place to find me. Love and strength to those who need it, and I'll play us out with another from the playlist – it's Erasure with "A Little Respect"!

And if I should falter, would you open your arms out to me?